Random thoughts

I’ve been wanting to blog often. I really have, but I find the search for words energy draining. Sometimes I feel like what I have to say to the world might not even be important, but it holds so much significance to me. So why do I hesitate? Why is it so hard to start? Have you ever felt this way? Maybe not specifically about blogging, but maybe you want to enroll in a class, start reading 15 minutes every morning, or take a run on your neighborhood. But why do we spend so much time thinking, and not doing?

I’ve been reading a lot, which is good. I lost the habit due to lack of time in university, and just losing myself to a book feels refreshing.  The books I’ve been reading could fall in the “self-improvement” category. After reading Marie Kondo “The Magic of Tyding Up” I gave away most of my clothes and possessions that didn’t quite spark joy. I recommend that book to everyone, I have since embraced a path to become a minimalist.

I could say, it all started there.  I haven’t finished cleaning up all my possessions but I’m pretty close. After this journey began, a lot of books about how to improve your quality of life have fallen into my hands that I am taking it as a sign from the universe. After KonMarie I read Charles Duhigg “The power of Habit”, the main idea I got from this book is that you can change your habits with a proven method. Which was very cool, but the tricky part is spotting your bad habits. I then spent several months finding the bad habits I wanted to change and trying to tackle them, I’m still on it. Then after many motivational videos on Youtube, I felt very much empowered but I was stuck, I couldn’t start. I would call this period: Art Blocked. My illustration project? Halted. My watercolor practice? Postponed. My attendance at the dojo? Nonexistent. The more I stayed inactive the worst I felt. So, what changed? What is making me write this blog entry?

I found a great coach, Mel Robbins, and that helped me a lot. Not all coaches will be good for you. I’m the kind of person that needs to hear it as it is, no sugar coating. And that is exactly what Mel does. After stumbling on this video of Mel Robbins on Why Motivation Is Garbage | Impact Theory I then fell on a Mel Robbins spiral, watching all her youtube videos and making lists and starting the morning routine she explained and everything. I was ecstatic to start all the projects that were left behind. But, I failed. Not because I didn’t do what she said, I did everything exactly like she said. And still, I just couldn’t start.

What was stopping me? It took me a while to realize what was happening. I had no goals. After moving back home and feeling like I failed and dishonored my entire family. I wasn’t in the best mindset to start my life here again. It took me several days to realize that I had no specific goal in mind. You see, humans are like teenagers forever, they won’t do what they don’t want to do. They will do it when they feel like it only if they want to do it. Responsibilities don’t fall in this explanation, we all have to work to make a living unless you are a millionaire. We all have bills to pay and things to take care of, and we do it because otherwise, it will be a nightmare. I’m talking about if you don’t like/enjoy truly the activity you have to do, it will cost you more time to make up your mind and do it. I found that when the goal is weak it will not keep you motivated enough to pursue it. And that was exactly what was happening to me.

My illustration project? Just a hobby. My watercolor practice? Another hobby. My attendance at the dojo? Haven’t found a dojo I like since I moved. I remember I made a “Summer goals” list that stood there for the entire summer and I completed half of one. So, what changed? After several meditation practices. I found my core goals. Goals strong enough that nothing could stand in the way of my progress. Big goals, long-term goals. I’m talking about the soul-searching life-changing goal, that thing that burns with passion inside you. We all have it, maybe if you share your goal people might think it’s not ambitious enough, or not courageous enough. It doesn’t matter what other people think about your goal. This is your goal, your path. You make the rules. There is nothing as a “small” goal. We all are different beings with different minds, hence different realities. So its time for you to get real with yourself and think. What is the one thing that would truly make me the happiest? What is the one thing that I can spend hours doing without even noticing?

When you finally find it make a mental note of the steps that would take you there. And that is how you start. I am no expert, I’m another lost soul looking for the right path. But I am sure of something: If you find your goal, everything is clearer. No, it’s not easier, you still have to work to get it. But imagine its like you were driving on a long curvy road with fog. Now the fog is gone. Summer is over and the list is now forgotten. But now I have this new mindset in my head. And that is something.